Quiet Time Isn't So Quiet

I used to adore silence. That quiet time of day at dusk when it felt like a shift change of animals and insects, and the coolness sets in. It's my favorite. But I've never been great at quiet time with God. Even when away at a women's retreat, I would find my perfect spot among the trees, open my Bible and journal, have every thing "perfect" to hear God, only to find my mind rolling through my to-do list back home or wondering if it was going to rain. I would press in harder, straining my ears for silence from the world to hear God's voice more clearly. I knew he had something to say if I would just get quiet.

I still like that time with God, alone and focused, but it's often a treasured moment rather than a daily activity. I'm reading the book "Get Out of Your Head" by Jennie Allen, and I just finished the chapter on holding space for silence. Now, she is referring to silence in our minds, taking our thoughts captive, but in preparing for this meditation, it struck me differently. She says, "...we need time with God alone, in the quiet, where we can hear His healing voice. We have a choice between chaos and quiet, between noise and solitude with God, between denial and healing." I completely agree time with God in silence is life-changing, and Jennie goes on to offer facts and truth about how essential that silence with God is to our lives. It's like a beautiful reset.

But finding that time is hard. I have three children ages 14, 3 & 15 months. My workload has gone from part time to nearly full time during this pandemic, and my husband is an essential employee so he isn't home. Life is hard, and surviving is often what my day feels like. Making it to bedtime when the new shift change happens - Mom out, Dad in! - is sometimes all I can do. Holding space for silence? Not a chance. Or so I thought.

I started noticing small moments where my heartbeat would slow, my breathing would deepen, and the world would seem the pause. They were so rare, I barely noticed at first. But the longer this quarantine continues, I find these moments becoming more frequent, even if my attempt at quiet time is still a struggle.

What surprised me most about these moments was that I was never alone. Each one of these moments was with my kids or my husband. Watching my youngest do her excited dance to a kids Zumba video we had viewed for the 10th time that morning. Laying with my son in his bed as he struggled to fall asleep, remembering his difficult early entrance into the world. Seeing my oldest run through the sprinkler with her little sister. A simple rub on my back and a kiss on my cheek from my husband so as not to interrupt my work.


I still enjoy my fire pit at dusk, or a quiet moment reading my Bible or a good book alone. I crave "me time" right now. But I'm learning to find joy in the chaos; I was surprised by the silence I found there too. Sometimes quiet time isn't so quiet. Sometimes it's loud, really loud, and those small moments of silence are a gift. God is still seeking quiet time with me. For now, he has found a way to hold space for silence with me himself. I'm grateful.


Ashley Goodrich
Communications Director