Reconciling with Myself

With Lent just around the liturgical calendar, I am spending some time pondering things I wish I had done differently.  They fit into the categories of would haves, should haves, and/or could haves.  Perhaps this annual ritual of mine is a holdover from my Jewish roots. There is a period of ten days between the Jewish High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah- the Jewish New Year and Yom Kippur- the Day of Atonement, during which Jews are supposed to reflect on how they lived their lives during the past year. Yom Kippur is spent in fervent prayer to God asking for the forgiveness of one’s past sins and looking forward to a year without sin. Perhaps it is simply that Lent draws me into self-reflection on my side of my covenant with God.

I think one of the most difficult things I have to do is forgive myself. It’s giving me permission to no longer be held by the bounds of a particular sin that can be such a difficult thing to do. God has forgiven me, so why can’t I? Yet, isn’t that what God calls me to do- to forgive even myself? I do not think I am alone in this conundrum.

In his book, Thoughts in Solitude, Thomas Merton wrote “I am seen by You under the sky and my offenses have been forgotten by You- but I have not forgotten them.” Merton goes on to say “Remembering that I am a sinner, I will love You in spite of what I have been, knowing that my love is precious because it is Yours, rather than my own. Precious to you because it comes from Your own Son, but precious even more because it makes me Your son.” Merton’s words help me to reconcile with myself. They help me to see that forgiveness grows out of love and love as we all know, comes from God.

An interesting thing about my sins is the pall, the dreariness they create in my life. They separate me from God in such a way that I find myself mentally trudging through the debris of the sins to find my way back to that inner sense of peace I feel when I am focused on being the individual God has called me to be without all the fanfare of my own ego. It’s really so much easier, so much more pleasant to do things the way the Holy Spirit leads me.

Most merciful God, I have sinned against You in thought, word and deed by what I have done and what I have left undone. I have not loved You with my whole heart, I have not loved my neighbor as myself. I am truly sorry and I humbly repent. For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on me and forgive me that I may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways to the glory of Your name.

Help me, gracious Lord, to use my gifts to the honor and glory of Your Name. Sustain my spirit with Your love that I might forgive not only others but also myself through Jesus Christ Your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God now and forever. Amen.

Angel Scavenger Hunt

A few weeks ago my husband was telling the story to the children at the 8:30 Children’s Chapel.  The theme centered on light, God’s messengers and different ways that we know God’s presence.  All of a sudden, a little girl said, “shshshsh!”  Bernie didn’t hear her at first so she shushed louder.  We all got quiet.  She said, “Listen, do you hear it?”  It was that beautiful quiet that allows you to hear the sounds that are present underneath all of the noise.  Her hands were placed as if trying to hold something in the air.  She said, “There it is again – the flutter of angel wings!”  A little boy sitting close to her said that he could hear it too.  She was so excited as she looked at me and said, “Wouldn’t it be fun to go on an angel scavenger hunt?”  I said, “Yes, I think it would.”

And so, I have been on an angel scavenger hunt.  The following are just a few of the stories that I have heard from some of you:

“My daughter was hiking down into the Grand Canyon with friends. It was a hot summer day and they took a wrong turn and got off the main trail. They were getting tired and had run out of water. A man in running shorts ran up to them and told them they were on the wrong path  and  he took them to where they picked up the correct one so that they were able to get to their campsite just before dark-- very thirsty and tired. She said they were all convinced they had met an angel sent to help them.”

“I was traveling for work and became very tired.  I nodded off to sleep and was awakened by someone yelling my name.  There was no one else in the car.  The voice saved me from crashing.  I have never doubted that it was an angel or some kind of messenger from God.”

“I had been to a bar in Chicago and decided to walk back to the car. I walked and walked and walked and realized I had gotten into a very rough neighborhood. A group on a porch started yelling at me. About that time, a cab comes driving around the corner and stops right by me.   The cab driver told me to get in and he would take me wherever I needed to go. I realized that I had no money and told this to the driver. The man said, that was ok and to just get in and he would take me anyway.  I have been convinced ever since that this was an angel.”

A young girl shared a story with me that she said she hardly ever tells anyone – she didn’t think they would believe her.  She says that an angel comes into her room from time to time.  The angel usually says “follow me” she said.  The angel also talks to her when she goes to someone else’s house.  When I asked how she responds to the angel, she said that she always prays.

These are just a few of the many stories that I have heard on my angel scavenger hunt.  I am sure that there are many more angel stories out there if we would just pay attention.  I would love to hear yours! 

Vital Signs

            Camels adorned in sparkling vestments processed into Christ Church Cathedral on Epiphany Sunday. A dozen and a half of our teenagers spent the weekend on a confirmation retreat exploring what their baptism means to them. In a vibrant conversation with 4 twenty-something members, one remarked “… and there are a lot of people here that are our age too! I think it’s because we are allowed to think and to question things, and that’s ok…” The Cathedral’s new Senior Warden announced last Sunday, “…and because of our members’ generous and giving stewardship, we finished the year in the black for the first time since 2006…”

            The season of Epiphany is a season of light and life. It is a season in which we look for the new things that God is doing in our midst. We read about the Magi following the star, finding the baby Jesus, the Messiah, and paying homage to him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. We read that after Jesus’ baptism a voice came from heaven, “You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.” We will hear about the beginning of Jesus’ ministry when water is turned to wine at the wedding at Cana, as well as other miracles too. We conclude this season of light and life with the Transfiguration of Jesus on the mountaintop, witnessed by Peter and James, as Jesus’ glory is revealed while he confers with Moses and Elijah. Then we hear that voice from the cloud again, “This is my Son, my Chosen; listen to him!” In these Gospel stories, we hear time and again about the new things God is doing through the Messiah.

            As we travel through this season of Epiphany together, listen and look for the signs of light and life. They are the promise of the new things that God is doing in our midst. They are the vital signs of God’s presence in the world. We see this all around us at Christ Church Cathedral – in camels processing down the center isle as we sing “We Three Kings”; in eager teenagers wondering what it means that they are baptized; in conversations that spring up about why this Episcopal Church is attracting twenty-something members; in the generosity of parishioners for the many works of God through the Cathedral.

            It is all too easy to focus on the darkness that is in the world and in our lives. But focusing on the darkness is not what we are called to do during Epiphany. Instead, let us lift up our eyes to the light, to the shinning star in the east that portends the life of the world that God has given to each and every one of us.

Look for the light and life around you. What is it that you see? In your own life, where are the Epiphany signs of light and life? Where do you find the new things that God is doing?
+ Rev. Brent Owens

Igniting a Kingdom Life

This past weekend, our youth confirmation class retreated to Natural Bridge. It was a wonderful and fulfilling weekend -  full of God’s grace and the Holy Spirit. On Saturday, my side of the cabin woke up to a chilling cold. Our gas tank had been emptied in the middle of the night and our heat was out. A very helpful maintenance man came to fill the tank up. I watched as he checked the gas logs in the fireplace.  Because the gas had run out there was no pilot light. He relit the pilot light and turned the dial to on.  The gas lines were empty and nothing happened. We watched as the blue light of the pilot glowed underneath the logs. We chatted and chatted. We even chatted about how the gas must still be off, and then – all of the sudden – woosh! Gas took fire, the logs were lit and heat was all around burning brightly and warmly. 

In Sunday’s Gospel we read the story of John the Baptist found in Luke 3. As people gather and come to see John the Baptist they are expecting to find the Messiah. John tells the crowd, “I’m baptizing you here in the river. The main character in this drama, to whom I’m a mere stagehand, will ignite the kingdom life, a fire, a Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out” (The Message). 

This story reminds me of the own day I was ignited by the Holy Spirit. I was at camp my senior year of high school. After camp fire, a counselor invited a few of us to a prayer circle. There, under the stars, with a group of 10 youth and counselors the Holy Spirit descended and I prayed as if I had never prayed before. It continues to be one of the most powerful moments of my faith development.

Many of us have had experiences of being ignited with God’s Spirit. As youth minister, I see that ignition at Happening and on Confirmation Retreat. It is the moment when students’ faces transform from boredom to the bright radiance of Christ’s beaming light. I saw it this weekend as our students read Eugene Peterson’s Bible, the Message, on their bedside and found a renewed sense of burning love for God’s word. I heard of the ignition of spirit from a parishioner today who was prayed upon and felt and outpouring of God’s Holy Spirit. Many of us have moments of spiritual ignition, when our fire catches. What are your moments? 

Last Sunday, we as a community celebrated the light of Christ through Epiphany. This Sunday, we will celebrate as two of our young people are baptized and receive the light of Christ. As we renew our Baptismal Vowels with them, let us all pray for the power of the Holy Spirit which might ignite all of us to do the good works which God calls us to do.  

“Oh God, you prepared your disciples for the coming of the Spirit through the teaching of your son Jesus Christ: make the hearts and minds of your servants ready to receive the blessing of the Holy Spirit, that they may be filled with the strength of his presence; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen” Prayer for those about to be baptized. BCP, 819.