Risky Business

I am always surprised (but shouldn’t be!) when I read a passage of scripture that I’ve read many times and find something new in it. This confirms to me that the Bible is a living document that continues to speak to us through the Holy Spirit. That was the case for me in last Sunday’s Gospel reading, Matthew 28:16-20. This is commonly called “The Great Commission.” It is Jesus’ final instructions to his disciples in which he asks them to make disciples of all people, baptizing in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching all that Jesus taught them.

            Because my focus has been on Jesus’ instructions, I never really thought about the few sentences that lead up to it. The disciples meet the resurrected Jesus at the mountain he directed them to. It says, “When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.” I hadn’t noticed this before!

            These are the very same disciples that followed Jesus for 3 years. They witnessed Jesus’ miracles, they heard his teaching, and now they stand before the risen Christ, “but some doubted.” Eugene Peterson’s rendition of this passage in The Message is, “Some, though, held back, not sure about worship, about risking themselves totally.”

            A few doubted; some held back; they weren’t sure about worship; they didn’t want to risk themselves totally. I can completely relate to this. Giving ourselves wholly to another, especially to God, is risky business. It’s scary. Doubts creep in. What if it doesn’t work out? How can I get from where I am to where I think I’m called to be? What if I’m wrong? What if I imagined the whole thing? Am I good enough? I’m afraid. What if something bad happens? What if I try and fail? Or even, what if I try and succeed? These and many more were my questions throughout my call to the ordained priesthood and well beyond.

            I think that the plain and unadorned honesty of this statement “but some doubted” is so instructive to our spiritual journey. For me, faith and doubt are not opposites. Instead, I think that faith and doubt go hand in hand. Doubt, questions, searching, and looking are all part of our spiritual journey. Following Christ as his disciple is not easy. It’s not simple. It sometimes takes leaps of faith, and sometimes it takes serious doubt to make our relationship with God strong. We seldom start with the answers. Instead, we start with questions, which usually leads to more questions.

            Doubt is not un-Christian. Doubt is not a lack of faith. Instead, I suggest that where our doubt and faith meet is where our spiritual journey continues.

The Rev. Brent Owens+